I want to get out of my comfort zone, I really do. I want to give my life to something bigger and better. I know that it seems typical since I'm the suburban upper-class kid who just watched Into The Wild before writing this, but lately, I have this need to get out of my neighborhood. It's probably a culmination of wanting to graduate and get out there and actually see things, but I know it's also in some scary way a call to some sort of mission work. It's intimidating and daunting, but I think that it's also definitely in my future. I want to help other people that can't help themselves so much it hurts. I want to go to Africa eventually, I've said it before, but I don't just want it to serve as something for my own goals; in other words, this trip I hope to take in my future won't be about "discovering myself". I want to discover things that are completely not my own- different languages and cultures and different needs that other people in this world have that I can help. I don't want to go for myself, I want to go because I know I am capable of serving someone else. I'd like to say I'm ready to burn all my money and live in the middle of nowhere, but I'd prefer to take this a little slower. For now I'm just trying to focus that attention and affection for service into my everyday life.
And on a completely different but taking-over-my-life note, I can feel something good ahead. There's something building behind all these melodies. Behind every drumbeat I hear there's this drive and every word sung just seems to get me more excited. My parents just laugh when they catch me dancing and most every class seems to overhear my commotion about what will be happening in exactly one week's time. I think most of my peers think I've gone a little crazy overboard on how much music I can listen to in one day, but I'm finding it essential. I've said before that my dream job would be to get paid to go to concerts and it's sounding better every minute. I'm insatiable for more rhythm right now, I only want more saxophone, more crescendos, more call-and-response. Is this healthy? I'd say based on my walking-on-air-good-morning-world!-how-are-you? attitude, it just might be. I don't even care what the general public's opinion is. It's real to me, it matters to me, and I am literally waiting and counting the hours. It has to be wonderful, I just know it.
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