Half-Awake

Done with high school.


...weird.

*I know it's only been a few hours and it seems a bit ridiculous to already be reminiscing but this has been floating around my mind for quite some time.

And you know, it's funny, because there's so many little things I will miss. Side comments and people encouraging me and always being there. I will miss hugs in the morning and dancing at night. It only really hit me when I saw them perform. Knowing that I wouldn't get to be on that stage and probably not even the audience made me upset. There is so much talent I'm surrounded by, but it's more than just a bunch of prodigies...they all are fantastic people. Yes, we learned more from a few thousand three minute records, along with words on a page that became more than that and conversations that I wish we could order transcripts of to this day.

I will miss the sense of family, some from specific classes, but specifically the makeshift one I formed late nights backstage and never ending rehearsals for concerts and contests and pop shows. I will miss singing more than I can even fathom. Not any song in particular or for that fact, any director in particular, but just the times that we spent creating something that was bigger than ourselves...something that was beautiful and communicated so much better than we all could have done individually.

I will miss the laughs more than anything. The people that woke me up and danced with me and knew exactly what to say to make my day ten times better. I have shed so many tears in laughter, literally on the floor gasping for air, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

It's a big school but I won't miss anything major or necessarily tangible. I won't miss a building or a costume. I won't miss a script or a few measures of music, just the people and the memories. There's a couple dozen faces and brains I'll miss, but I know they won't be gone forever.

I know it can't last forever and it wouldn't mean the same if we could stay. But there are so many people that have changed me for the better (not intentionally connected to Wicked) and I don't think a yearbook message suffices.

I've heard it before many times but it's still true:

"Never say goodbye because saying goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting." -Peter Pan

So I have no intentions of saying any form of goodbye. I don't want any cliched "Good Luck!" messages. I have no intentions of any of this ending...we'll just say it'll be a little different. The passing of time can be a good thing sometimes. I didn't cry at any banquets or ceremonies but I don't think that's always the most sincere and honest expression of emotion. All I can say personally is that I wish all of you exceeded expectations in your future and all the good things about life you can get. I wish you love and more music than you can take in and lots of new discoveries. I'm not worried about staying in touch, because, one, Facebook makes stalkability that much easier and two, because this whole sense of family that I crave doesn't just go away. It won't be far at all.

Holden was right, actually, but I think even the 'missing everybody' part was and will be worth it.