There are frequent times where my ipod is useless because there's a melody sounding so strongly in my head that headphones seem silly. I get nervous that in the quiet lecture halls someone else can hear the swiftly-moving notes and the swelling crescendos as loudly as I can. I have a problem focusing on important dates in our Constitution's history and Henry James' refined criticisms on modern America's treatment of women as weak figures when I've heard some particularly delicious song earlier that day. I know there's scientific reasons and research of brain patterns to manufacture a reason for why certain sounds seem to stick with you, but I just think it's a little sliver of something bigger than our own existence. I know I can and often do ramble for hours and write pages of words about music and its role in my life but it's just that no matter how much I dissect, I can't quite make sense of why it sticks the way it does. There's seasons where I don't exert myself on music, where nothing seems to sound exciting enough or true enough or shake up my insides but there's always a return back to some harmony and I'm stuck again, hung up on a measure or two for days and lost back in my little iTunes-fueled consciousness.
I finished Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 7 yesterday. This is hardly an accomplishment for a resume and yes, simply the title seems to garner some sort of stereotyped notion from various people, but I'm not going to launch into my usual somewhat-sci-fi-enthusiast defense of the show. All I can say is a small thanks to Joss Whedon and everyone else who decided to write/choreograph/produce/clean floors for a show that meant something to me and went beyond the surface to explore so many things that ring true. There's so much to take in from the fact that even on a small budget, despite criticisms and scoffs of it being nothing but a cheesy show about some blonde who carries around a stake, despite snubs from Emmys and the like, a story that is ultimately original and beautiful can make it. I'm done downsizing things that matter- great storytelling is powerful, no matter the medium. And I mean it when I say it- television will never be low brow. Where do we go from here? Not sure yet, but we'll always have Sunnydale.
*also a large "thank you" to Kevin T. Porter, Zackary E. Wilburn, and Jacqueline M. Findley for introducing/sharing in the joy of vampire slaying with me
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Marvelously Remastered and Remixed
There are things to do here, things I missed. People to (literally) run into daily. Abandoned roads to drive down and scream at the impending excitement and darkness. Treasure, not always tangible, to find. Love to communicate! Songs to listen to, albums to live in, letters to paint, cars to name after food network celebrities. Videos to make, news to spread, phrases to repeat. Melodies to write! Lyrics to pen! Classes to sit up straight in. Literature to rest between the lines of and not just purchase.
I've missed not having time, not creating. There's an energy here that encourages me to speak up, to ask a million questions, to flail my arms in some white-girl dancing position 24/7.There's a never-ending list things to talk about, conversations that last four hours by a lake to solidify the fact that God's here and he's got me here for a reason. We're certainly not Ivy League in any sense nor out every weekend til the sun comes up, but all of this matters so much and is not filler time. I'm growing up by myself yet still leaning so desperately and heavily on these refined friends-become-family and it's barely been a substantial week. LET'S GO! No seriously, I've met the hands (with these hands) to hold me together so I don't break like I always have, so let's go! Boldly, even!
If last year's soundtrack ended with Win Butler longing to stay, this year begins with a freeing eight-minute-and-thirty-eight-second borrowed solo that makes me kinda dizzy from all the goodness. Too soon? Ask me tomorrow. Cause I mean it- this place of life and love right here is more than enough, but it's all we got. So what's the equation everyday? No waiting, no putting off. Let's steadily keeping going- cause we're bold, we're bold as love.
I've missed not having time, not creating. There's an energy here that encourages me to speak up, to ask a million questions, to flail my arms in some white-girl dancing position 24/7.There's a never-ending list things to talk about, conversations that last four hours by a lake to solidify the fact that God's here and he's got me here for a reason. We're certainly not Ivy League in any sense nor out every weekend til the sun comes up, but all of this matters so much and is not filler time. I'm growing up by myself yet still leaning so desperately and heavily on these refined friends-become-family and it's barely been a substantial week. LET'S GO! No seriously, I've met the hands (with these hands) to hold me together so I don't break like I always have, so let's go! Boldly, even!
If last year's soundtrack ended with Win Butler longing to stay, this year begins with a freeing eight-minute-and-thirty-eight-second borrowed solo that makes me kinda dizzy from all the goodness. Too soon? Ask me tomorrow. Cause I mean it- this place of life and love right here is more than enough, but it's all we got. So what's the equation everyday? No waiting, no putting off. Let's steadily keeping going- cause we're bold, we're bold as love.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Rod Stewart Song Title Pun Here
My grandmother made chicken soup for our dog shortly after we left the vet and discovered she was in stage three of canine lymphoma.
Her rationale has always been that everyone who is sick deserves, or a step further, NEEDS, chicken soup to help them get better. She ladled it into Maggie's bowl and told her to get well soon. Cancer's an interesting battle in that it makes everyone try every possible option to cure one little part of it, especially when your family member walks on four legs. There are people who sympathize and those who consider her "just a dog" and it doesn't matter much to me either way. Trying to talk about a pet relationship is different- it's not at all like one shared with a person. Hollywood latches onto tons of dog movies and Marley & Me stays on the bestseller list, but even so, trying to show how much the cliched "unconditional love" factors into all of the stories is impossible because it is such a personal bond.
Maggie is constantly playing, drooling, barking, shedding, digging, chewing, yes- all of that- but constantly beside me. She's prone to dreaming out loud, weighing upwards of 70 pounds, nearly breaking leashes and getting a glazed-over-at-bliss look when she's poking her head out of my truck window and her cheeks are flapping in the breeze. She's excited to see and sniff everyone who enters or even gets within two miles of our house but this is only if she decides to get off one of her many beds. I've learned to share my mattress (or rather, surrender 3/4 of it) and spell out "W-A-L-K" instead of saying it. She is my family's first dog after a childhood of cats and we all became suckers from that first day when she worked her puppy charms and also her way into my mom's suburban. We turned into "those people who bring their dog everywhere'- restaurants had to have patios, there were always multiple food bowls and water bottles marked "DOG ONLY" in our cars and Maggie lounged at home, vacationed at the lakehouse and even enrolled at Texas A&M for a few semesters. She is really the third child in the family and very much so the baby, eager to please and more than ready to snuggle up next to anyone who will sit still for two seconds. She is constantly and consistently by our sides 24/7, always has been.
It's hard to elaborate on her state and well-being now. We were given the time to expect in months and her medication has prolonged the number, but every new day is different, good and bad. The cancer has manifested in her eyes so she's not really able to see things anymore and is nervous about running into objects. She takes her time on the stairs now instead of zipping up, two at a time. She is part greyhound but her strength and stamina, even on small walks, is severely reduced. She sleeps a lot more and her breathing is often labored and significantly louder. However, the funny thing is, her tail is working overtime. She hears one movement and she is there, a little slower than before, but constantly bumping your hand with her head, wanting to be petted and excitedly wiggling her whole back end. She's still sitting by her leash every morning and goes to her pillow every night after she hears the television turned off. Cancer is supposed to weaken everything but it hasn't reached her constancy; it hasn't kept her away from always poking her nose quite literally into every part of our lives.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say with this. It's not a plea for sympathy or something I am drawing a "this is the lesson we can all learn" sort-of conclusion from. I can't end this with anything deep or meaningful or bright-sided. Sometimes I think I write things publicly in an aim to be widely read or analyzed but this is not one of those times. No matter how miniscule or ridiculous it may seem to say, the absence of that love and constancy scares me. Or simply, I'll soak up all the time we have now, but you know, I'll miss my dog a whole whole lot.
Her rationale has always been that everyone who is sick deserves, or a step further, NEEDS, chicken soup to help them get better. She ladled it into Maggie's bowl and told her to get well soon. Cancer's an interesting battle in that it makes everyone try every possible option to cure one little part of it, especially when your family member walks on four legs. There are people who sympathize and those who consider her "just a dog" and it doesn't matter much to me either way. Trying to talk about a pet relationship is different- it's not at all like one shared with a person. Hollywood latches onto tons of dog movies and Marley & Me stays on the bestseller list, but even so, trying to show how much the cliched "unconditional love" factors into all of the stories is impossible because it is such a personal bond.
Maggie is constantly playing, drooling, barking, shedding, digging, chewing, yes- all of that- but constantly beside me. She's prone to dreaming out loud, weighing upwards of 70 pounds, nearly breaking leashes and getting a glazed-over-at-bliss look when she's poking her head out of my truck window and her cheeks are flapping in the breeze. She's excited to see and sniff everyone who enters or even gets within two miles of our house but this is only if she decides to get off one of her many beds. I've learned to share my mattress (or rather, surrender 3/4 of it) and spell out "W-A-L-K" instead of saying it. She is my family's first dog after a childhood of cats and we all became suckers from that first day when she worked her puppy charms and also her way into my mom's suburban. We turned into "those people who bring their dog everywhere'- restaurants had to have patios, there were always multiple food bowls and water bottles marked "DOG ONLY" in our cars and Maggie lounged at home, vacationed at the lakehouse and even enrolled at Texas A&M for a few semesters. She is really the third child in the family and very much so the baby, eager to please and more than ready to snuggle up next to anyone who will sit still for two seconds. She is constantly and consistently by our sides 24/7, always has been.
It's hard to elaborate on her state and well-being now. We were given the time to expect in months and her medication has prolonged the number, but every new day is different, good and bad. The cancer has manifested in her eyes so she's not really able to see things anymore and is nervous about running into objects. She takes her time on the stairs now instead of zipping up, two at a time. She is part greyhound but her strength and stamina, even on small walks, is severely reduced. She sleeps a lot more and her breathing is often labored and significantly louder. However, the funny thing is, her tail is working overtime. She hears one movement and she is there, a little slower than before, but constantly bumping your hand with her head, wanting to be petted and excitedly wiggling her whole back end. She's still sitting by her leash every morning and goes to her pillow every night after she hears the television turned off. Cancer is supposed to weaken everything but it hasn't reached her constancy; it hasn't kept her away from always poking her nose quite literally into every part of our lives.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say with this. It's not a plea for sympathy or something I am drawing a "this is the lesson we can all learn" sort-of conclusion from. I can't end this with anything deep or meaningful or bright-sided. Sometimes I think I write things publicly in an aim to be widely read or analyzed but this is not one of those times. No matter how miniscule or ridiculous it may seem to say, the absence of that love and constancy scares me. Or simply, I'll soak up all the time we have now, but you know, I'll miss my dog a whole whole lot.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
"Your PeopleSoft connection has expired."
My sleep schedule is always off. On the nights where I actually feel exhausted, I end up watching the musical numbers from the Tony's on my Tivo til 2 am then decide to download the entire Hair soundtrack and dance around my entire house to said album. On the nights where I'm still awake and relatively excited about what the evening could hold I usually turn in early, turn my phone off, and bury myself under three blankets and seven pillows- content in my cocoon. I think it's just that the act of sleeping and I have developed a love-hate relationship as of late. I enjoy resting and there's usually not a morning that I wake up genuinely wanting to rise out off my mattress on the first ring of my alarm, but at the same time, sometimes sleep seems like such a waste. There's so much I could be creating or experiencing or discussing or letting out or listening to...right? Why not be proactive and never even go to sleep? Of course, "being proactive" probably involves writing a heart-wrenching novel or feeding the homeless instead of watching old tv shows on dvd or searching for pictures of baby sugar gliders on Google Images.
New goal possibility 1: save the world instead of sleeping!
New goal possibility 2: go to sleep at a normal time.
Today at work we counted down the minutes until the very last second of official registration completely ending. No more system crashes, no more filing, no more checking 200 messages a day, no more matriculating, no more hectic nights of every line being busy and most importantly, no more angry people cursing us out over the phone that it's our fault that they didn't sign up for classes and that their child is still going through emotional trauma from Hurricane Katrina and do they turn left on highway six in front of the James Coney Island? And so, ceremonially, at exactly 5:30 pm, we blared this from the front desk's Dell's little speakers-
.....it's the small victories that count.
p.s. happy 6/9!
New goal possibility 1: save the world instead of sleeping!
New goal possibility 2: go to sleep at a normal time.
Today at work we counted down the minutes until the very last second of official registration completely ending. No more system crashes, no more filing, no more checking 200 messages a day, no more matriculating, no more hectic nights of every line being busy and most importantly, no more angry people cursing us out over the phone that it's our fault that they didn't sign up for classes and that their child is still going through emotional trauma from Hurricane Katrina and do they turn left on highway six in front of the James Coney Island? And so, ceremonially, at exactly 5:30 pm, we blared this from the front desk's Dell's little speakers-
.....it's the small victories that count.
p.s. happy 6/9!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I guess we'll just have to adjust
First year of college.....where do I begin?
Tears realizing I've reached adulthood and tears realizing I've still got so far to go until my independence is truly solid and grounded. Staying up all night because my mind races and all I can do is physically move around and shake off these feelings of overwhelming insecurities that manifest in the dark, knowing that with the sunlight through my blinds comes a fresh day, a new start. Two hours of literally laughing in conversation with Jesus early in the morning, discovering that he speaks loudly and he listens intently and he's able to hear me clearly even without two cups of coffee in my system.
Yells of triumph with my friends because we realize that this moment is it. We found each other! This isn't some fake apology-friendship out of convenience, these are people who love, people who care, people who accept and challenge and build up and they are happening now. NOW. No more waiting for real community and real relationships.
The chains of youth that keep us down are broken, the authorities that typically tell us to keep this teenage frustration and passion inside and never reveal it are silenced when we jump up and down and cry out and laugh fiercely because we feel that security with each other. It's not an over-inflated metaphor or a semblance of something, no, this experience of newfound freedom in being completely myself is the closest thing I can relate to true happiness. Through the course of explorations and conversations, us, this diverse little family of friends that all seemed to band together, were finally ourselves. Every night wasn't a heart-to-heart per say, but we stopped putting on airs or trying so desperately to get people to notice and appreciate us. We simply took each other, flaws and all, and said, okay, let's do this whole finding-yourself thing together. Instead of wasting time, let's cut right to the center of what we need, let's express when we're upset and completely fill the evenings with our joy. While high school welcomed disguises and false loves, something broke around the end of first semester and my deepest secrets weren't kept inside anymore, because, really, what was the point? This honesty, this true deep bond we formed was more important than impressing each other. We constantly made fun of each other, but it echoed of love and of trust and of a desire to play and know each other deeply. We wanted so badly to discover everything, waking up every morning not knowing what the day might hold and so eager to latch onto every opportunity. The physical location never mattered; we swore that we'd be more than entertained as long as the others were there. Driving, singing, swimming, walking, running, dancing, snacking, jumping, climbing, talking- in rain, snow (!) and especially sunshine, were all accompanied by this new reality where acceptance of each others' quirks and shortcomings was automatic. It wasn't hard to be friends with each other but it was demanding in the best way. We grew up quickly, but still looked back. We found those songs that stop you in your tracks and linger in your ears and wrote a few of our own. Most importantly, we prayed and held on tight to the fact that this bond wouldn't ever be weakened. I don't tend to dwell on the fact that it may not be the same next year. Some will leave, but however ridiculously mushy and Hallmark this all sounds, I believe the whole love we share for living life to the fullest will still be there, no matter what.
The best kinds of relationships are the ones that force you to grow. If this growth means a little hurt in the process and sadness when it's over, so be it. "Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up." Love takes a lot but I'd rather be swept up in something so overwhelming than be complacent. I thought growing up and finding your place as an adult was supposed to be boring, but it is surprising every day, passion-filled, and exciting. Here's to this year being the beginning of real love, real relationships, and real FAMILY.
Tears realizing I've reached adulthood and tears realizing I've still got so far to go until my independence is truly solid and grounded. Staying up all night because my mind races and all I can do is physically move around and shake off these feelings of overwhelming insecurities that manifest in the dark, knowing that with the sunlight through my blinds comes a fresh day, a new start. Two hours of literally laughing in conversation with Jesus early in the morning, discovering that he speaks loudly and he listens intently and he's able to hear me clearly even without two cups of coffee in my system.
Yells of triumph with my friends because we realize that this moment is it. We found each other! This isn't some fake apology-friendship out of convenience, these are people who love, people who care, people who accept and challenge and build up and they are happening now. NOW. No more waiting for real community and real relationships.
The chains of youth that keep us down are broken, the authorities that typically tell us to keep this teenage frustration and passion inside and never reveal it are silenced when we jump up and down and cry out and laugh fiercely because we feel that security with each other. It's not an over-inflated metaphor or a semblance of something, no, this experience of newfound freedom in being completely myself is the closest thing I can relate to true happiness. Through the course of explorations and conversations, us, this diverse little family of friends that all seemed to band together, were finally ourselves. Every night wasn't a heart-to-heart per say, but we stopped putting on airs or trying so desperately to get people to notice and appreciate us. We simply took each other, flaws and all, and said, okay, let's do this whole finding-yourself thing together. Instead of wasting time, let's cut right to the center of what we need, let's express when we're upset and completely fill the evenings with our joy. While high school welcomed disguises and false loves, something broke around the end of first semester and my deepest secrets weren't kept inside anymore, because, really, what was the point? This honesty, this true deep bond we formed was more important than impressing each other. We constantly made fun of each other, but it echoed of love and of trust and of a desire to play and know each other deeply. We wanted so badly to discover everything, waking up every morning not knowing what the day might hold and so eager to latch onto every opportunity. The physical location never mattered; we swore that we'd be more than entertained as long as the others were there. Driving, singing, swimming, walking, running, dancing, snacking, jumping, climbing, talking- in rain, snow (!) and especially sunshine, were all accompanied by this new reality where acceptance of each others' quirks and shortcomings was automatic. It wasn't hard to be friends with each other but it was demanding in the best way. We grew up quickly, but still looked back. We found those songs that stop you in your tracks and linger in your ears and wrote a few of our own. Most importantly, we prayed and held on tight to the fact that this bond wouldn't ever be weakened. I don't tend to dwell on the fact that it may not be the same next year. Some will leave, but however ridiculously mushy and Hallmark this all sounds, I believe the whole love we share for living life to the fullest will still be there, no matter what.
The best kinds of relationships are the ones that force you to grow. If this growth means a little hurt in the process and sadness when it's over, so be it. "Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up." Love takes a lot but I'd rather be swept up in something so overwhelming than be complacent. I thought growing up and finding your place as an adult was supposed to be boring, but it is surprising every day, passion-filled, and exciting. Here's to this year being the beginning of real love, real relationships, and real FAMILY.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
i'm learning a lot about the way things work these days.
bruce springsteen in less than a week.
one year of college down in less than two months.
i'm already positive that everything next semester will be a whirlwind of difference, but nonetheless, i'm looking forward expectantly, waiting on the tips of my converse; waiting for life to bring me something new.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Maybe I Will
Somedays I really love Livejournal.com
Every single day I love my friends turned-into family.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
This must be the place
I'm extremely tired of underestimating or putting a limit on things. I don't want to measure happiness on a scale of 1-100 because even 100 doesn't sound big enough to me. I want to cram as much life into every five minutes of my day as possible and I don't think that's a bad thing to strive towards. I'm tired of just EXISTING- I need more than that. I want to direct this passion for LIFE towards God's goals and I desire to feel exhausted in the best possible way- knowing that I spent my energy for the one who provided me with it in the first place.
"It's not always that there's necessarily a clear-cut good choice or a bad choice- no matter WHAT you choose, God can work through it."
I think I really need to be reminded of that, and instead of trying to make a circumstance in which he can work in my life, realizing full-heartedly that Jesus can work through taco nights with chattery sugar gliders, accompanied by simple love in conversation. Jesus can work through April 5th and April 8th and I know that all this doesn't hit home with everyone or many at all, but I think I am starting to get just a tip of this whole concept of how BIG he is and I feel literally like I am jumping up and down asking for more. More challenges, more new faces, more broken days and more fixed days. Just a whole lot more with him beside me, because, it has come to my attention that I can't do many things, much less reach them, standing at five feet and three and a 1/2 inches on my own. Here's to constant relying and constant rejoicing.
Oh, and in case you forgot-
I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND!
"It's not always that there's necessarily a clear-cut good choice or a bad choice- no matter WHAT you choose, God can work through it."
I think I really need to be reminded of that, and instead of trying to make a circumstance in which he can work in my life, realizing full-heartedly that Jesus can work through taco nights with chattery sugar gliders, accompanied by simple love in conversation. Jesus can work through April 5th and April 8th and I know that all this doesn't hit home with everyone or many at all, but I think I am starting to get just a tip of this whole concept of how BIG he is and I feel literally like I am jumping up and down asking for more. More challenges, more new faces, more broken days and more fixed days. Just a whole lot more with him beside me, because, it has come to my attention that I can't do many things, much less reach them, standing at five feet and three and a 1/2 inches on my own. Here's to constant relying and constant rejoicing.
Oh, and in case you forgot-
I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Just about half-past ten
Over Christmas Break I frequently found it difficult to explain when people would ask me how college was, because I knew in order to really tell them I'd need to use pictures, songs and attempt to recreate situations that probably wouldn't seem important to that other person at all. I talked to peers from high school, which still seems like it wasn't that long ago and they told stories of weekends that seemed so much different than my own experience, but I wasn't jealous at all. I know it is literally ridiculous, worthy of ridicule, that I seem to already be getting nostalgic after one measly semester of college, but the times I want to take back and remember to the fullest and down to the last detail are the ones that we didn't plan or buy tickets to attend. The impromptu heart-to-heart moments, the tears from laughing so hard that my throat was sore and my stomach hurt and the spontaneous discussion and discoveries that kept me up later that night, still excited from the day that had just happened.
Set me down with a group of people I love and you don't even need to give us a topic. Jesus works through everything, and these seemingly insignificant little snippets of conversation are often filled with his words, his adoration for us as demonstrated through others' own love.
In other news, they (the man) just removed the "It's Raining Men!" music video off of YouTube.
...WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'll always love you, Weather Girls. Hallelujah!
Set me down with a group of people I love and you don't even need to give us a topic. Jesus works through everything, and these seemingly insignificant little snippets of conversation are often filled with his words, his adoration for us as demonstrated through others' own love.
In other news, they (the man) just removed the "It's Raining Men!" music video off of YouTube.
...WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'll always love you, Weather Girls. Hallelujah!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Workin' On Ice Cream
Today was:
a best friend's birthday, an album that I have been anticipating being released, a first announcement of accompanying tour dates that bring back happy tears of memories of a wonderful night at the Toyota Center that literally changed a small portion of my life, two packages coming in the mail, constant good heart-pouring conversation with friends and seeing Jesus everywhere- in overwhelming excitement and hearing literal love spilling out of my speakers in guitar, saxophone, voice, drums, strings, bass, organ and especially that accordion.
The temperature is below freezing but I am so warm filled with joy!!!
Thank you, Bruce. But overwhelmingly more, thank you God for creating all this endless beauty. If I think about it all again I'm seriously going to start jumping up and down.
....Yeah, definitely just did again.
a best friend's birthday, an album that I have been anticipating being released, a first announcement of accompanying tour dates that bring back happy tears of memories of a wonderful night at the Toyota Center that literally changed a small portion of my life, two packages coming in the mail, constant good heart-pouring conversation with friends and seeing Jesus everywhere- in overwhelming excitement and hearing literal love spilling out of my speakers in guitar, saxophone, voice, drums, strings, bass, organ and especially that accordion.
The temperature is below freezing but I am so warm filled with joy!!!
Thank you, Bruce. But overwhelmingly more, thank you God for creating all this endless beauty. If I think about it all again I'm seriously going to start jumping up and down.
....Yeah, definitely just did again.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Pour A Little Salt
I took down my collage wall today (which, by the way, is exactly what it sounds like). For two hours, I carefully removed tape from the back of old pictures, faded show programs, fortunes from fortune cookies, souvenirs, layers of notes, scribbles, drawings, stickers and countless other artifacts that had all manifested themselves onto the sheetrock. I guess when I started tacking up little pieces of my life in middle school I'd envisioned that one day I'd have to take them down, but I never imagined it would feel the way it did. I didn't sob over magazine cutouts of Audrey Hepburn or the 7 or so Lord Of The Rings movie ticket stubs. Things that seemed to be the center of my universe in 8th grade really don't occupy much space in my heart and mind at all anymore, even laughably so. Although staring at the blank wall now is extremely bittersweet and somewhat lonely, I don't need something tangible to remember every little nuance of my life. The days and minutes that set my heart racing and left me laughing so hard I could barely breathe are still very real to me. The words I wrote down never to forget are still on the tip of my tongue and the faces that cheered me up and taught me about real, sacrificing love are clearer in my mind than any photograph. Holes left by tacks and chips left by tape will be filled in, tomorrow I'll dump a large amount of crumpled bits of paper into the recycling bin and have a moment of silence before planning what color paint to buy and paint over. Here's to quite a new beginning. Here's to filling up a few hundred more walls with my life.
Oh, and here's this for all you visual learners:
Oh, and here's this for all you visual learners:
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