Just about half-past ten

Over Christmas Break I frequently found it difficult to explain when people would ask me how college was, because I knew in order to really tell them I'd need to use pictures, songs and attempt to recreate situations that probably wouldn't seem important to that other person at all. I talked to peers from high school, which still seems like it wasn't that long ago and they told stories of weekends that seemed so much different than my own experience, but I wasn't jealous at all. I know it is literally ridiculous, worthy of ridicule, that I seem to already be getting nostalgic after one measly semester of college, but the times I want to take back and remember to the fullest and down to the last detail are the ones that we didn't plan or buy tickets to attend. The impromptu heart-to-heart moments, the tears from laughing so hard that my throat was sore and my stomach hurt and the spontaneous discussion and discoveries that kept me up later that night, still excited from the day that had just happened.

Set me down with a group of people I love and you don't even need to give us a topic. Jesus works through everything, and these seemingly insignificant little snippets of conversation are often filled with his words, his adoration for us as demonstrated through others' own love.

In other news, they (the man) just removed the "It's Raining Men!" music video off of YouTube.
...WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!


I'll always love you, Weather Girls. Hallelujah!

Workin' On Ice Cream

Today was:
a best friend's birthday, an album that I have been anticipating being released, a first announcement of accompanying tour dates that bring back happy tears of memories of a wonderful night at the Toyota Center that literally changed a small portion of my life, two packages coming in the mail, constant good heart-pouring conversation with friends and seeing Jesus everywhere- in overwhelming excitement and hearing literal love spilling out of my speakers in guitar, saxophone, voice, drums, strings, bass, organ and especially that accordion.

The temperature is below freezing but I am so warm filled with joy!!!
Thank you, Bruce. But overwhelmingly more, thank you God for creating all this endless beauty. If I think about it all again I'm seriously going to start jumping up and down.


....Yeah, definitely just did again.

Pour A Little Salt

I took down my collage wall today (which, by the way, is exactly what it sounds like). For two hours, I carefully removed tape from the back of old pictures, faded show programs, fortunes from fortune cookies, souvenirs, layers of notes, scribbles, drawings, stickers and countless other artifacts that had all manifested themselves onto the sheetrock. I guess when I started tacking up little pieces of my life in middle school I'd envisioned that one day I'd have to take them down, but I never imagined it would feel the way it did. I didn't sob over magazine cutouts of Audrey Hepburn or the 7 or so Lord Of The Rings movie ticket stubs. Things that seemed to be the center of my universe in 8th grade really don't occupy much space in my heart and mind at all anymore, even laughably so. Although staring at the blank wall now is extremely bittersweet and somewhat lonely, I don't need something tangible to remember every little nuance of my life. The days and minutes that set my heart racing and left me laughing so hard I could barely breathe are still very real to me. The words I wrote down never to forget are still on the tip of my tongue and the faces that cheered me up and taught me about real, sacrificing love are clearer in my mind than any photograph. Holes left by tacks and chips left by tape will be filled in, tomorrow I'll dump a large amount of crumpled bits of paper into the recycling bin and have a moment of silence before planning what color paint to buy and paint over. Here's to quite a new beginning. Here's to filling up a few hundred more walls with my life.

Oh, and here's this for all you visual learners:

Get Behind Me, Santa

I have nothing to complain about right now, except for the weather.
How ridiculous is that?!

Okay, yes, it's absurd that it will be 73 degrees here on the 25th, but even more overwhelming is the fact that I AM SO BLESSED! God has placed a tight-knit family all around me and given me hilarious and talented friends who exceed my expectations and keep me ecstatic about each new day. Along with them, amidst early goodbyes with cocoa and coffee, a relationship has mended and I am so full of thank you's that I might explode. Wrapping paper and bows are lovely and adorning, but I can't help the cliche when I positively know that anything truly worth being excited about doesn't come tied up with string. There's so much beauty in conversation- often more so when it's not easy. There's love in words that goes missed too often and there's little sparks in phrases said that resonate for a while and end up keeping me much warmer than my black and white houndstooth jacket. So while I'll catch my breath when I see an impressive display of lights, shake the boxes of presents just to preview them and attempt to imitate Mariah Carey every five minutes when she plays on the radio, there's something bigger at work. I don't think those usual cheesy feelings with Christmas this year are going to end after one night. And, if that is the case, please forgive me ahead of time for continuing to play "Winter Wonderland" in January.

There are literally hundreds of songs that I burst with joy to share with people (and especially since it IS the season of giving), I just thought I'd give you one of my absolute favorites--

I don't trust my own words a lot of times, but I'll trust anything when Sam Cooke sings it. And I couldn't say it better myself; Christmas Means Love!

Frozen fingers, warm hearts

I'm sure there are meaningful and telling thoughts for me to ponder and share with you, but all fails in the excitement I still have because
IT SNOWED IN SAN MARCOS, TX LAST NIGHT!



Current Christmas Excitement Level: 300%

The one who paid my debt

How grateful I am that even though I am messy, indecisive and doubt myself completely sometimes, Jesus loves me. And this LOVE, it's not anything small- it's a all-encompassing force that literally drives out fear.

I think for so long I looked for someone else to wrap me up in their arms and tell me it was all going to be okay and that I was safe again, failing to realize that He's been cradling me all along, waiting patiently and eagerly for me to bring my problems to him and rest in these affections. The LOVE my Savior has for me isn't a fairy tale - it's a sacrificing, deep LOVE that runs so deep in my soul that it hurts sometimes. I'm left in awe that he won't leave me but LETS me run after these fleeting human complications that don't really matter. He doesn't force me to LOVE him, He lets me slam doors in his face and flee from his goodness and yet He is always right near me, pleading with me to come back to the better things he has in store for me. Because of this strong feeling of LOVE, He is jealous for me- how bizarre a concept. He envies my best friends; I often talk to them more than I do him tenfold. He wants to hear about my passions because He put them in my heart and He CONSTANTLY blesses me, even in my rebellion. My Jesus puts people in my life who have become like family and gives me a whole array of sounds to arrange into music that moves me in the best way. All of this and countless other things are done in pure LOVE, even when I throw them away and turn away from him. This LOVE is lavished on me and drenches me daily, but there are times where I don't even realize it.

He woke me up again.

Oatmeal or Cereal, Highway or Sidestreets

I think I could make it as a baker.

I'm not saying that I'm extremely gifted with sifting flour or that magic happens when you put a rolling pin in my hand, but I seem to find grating Baker's chocolate over a souffle topping extremely rewarding. Everything has to be done just right, though, or you're stuck with an icing that has a strange resemblance to cheap hair gel. Always flour your surface, use only low heat when you're melting a glaze, freeze the bowl and beaters first when you're making whipped cream- yes, it's all tedious but worth it. Hours spent stirring and steaming all fade away when you see the reaction to that first bite and it's better than warm fuzzies from head to toe. Four pies later and I don't mind the baking powder streaks on my t-shirt as long as the mass of Thanksgiving family-that's-not-really-related is deliciously satisfied. All this to say- a perfect pie crust really does send endorphins through my brain. Who knew? Is this normal? Regardless- Paula Deen, please take me under your wing.

Here you go: I think you might like this song. I keep coming back to it lately- whether the repeated listening is good for my health or not, I can't get away from the melody. It's a cover, but I promise it's still at heartwrenching and true as the first time I heard the lyrics; maybe even more so. He's in this grave, but of course, when Jeff's voice hits those high notes, even the rut he's trapped in seems somehow romantic. And just between us, behind the sarcasm I'm really a sucker for the nontraditional almost-not-in-love love song.

College: In Haiku Form

girl wearing ugg boots
please don't judge my black converse
your feet are in sheep

gray-haired lunch lady
lip-synching to 'low rider'
you have made my day

lonely laundry room
she just added too much soap
instant foam party!

nothing else to do
i think it's time for a nap
or maybe ramen

community bath
somebody left their shampoo
um, finders keepers?