I heard it for the first time in forever today. I don't think I attached much to the original version of the song. There was a slower cover that I basked in for years and kept to myself and tried to explain to other people but saw they lost interest. It's almost frustrating because the lyrics don't come outright and tell you, and to be completely honest I still have no idea what the entire concept of being someone's wonderwall even means. I know that I want a wonderwall, though. I've heard it a lot, different versions and covers and mash-ups and they all resonate in different ways, but there was this one moment that really brought it all home.
It was last year, five days before I turned 17 and it was humid outside, even more so since we had lawn seats. I wasn't expecting too much other than the simple fact that I knew I'd be entertained. They weren't the greatest band, but they were upbeat and they kept the crowd happy. Jenny was ecstatically multi-tasking-- taking pictures and video while singing along to every word. Carolyn and Laura were crossing fingers that the best songs were played. They last song was 'Look After You' and it turned into one big sing-a-long. The weird part was that the first concert that mattered in my life? Same thing happened, same exact song, only a much smaller crowd and The Fray was the opening band at that time....but, I digress. They were playing 'Look After You' and you could tell that it was the song of the night. The song all the couples swoon to and the song that no one takes a picture during, so as not to break the atmosphere. Suddenly, out of nowhere, this disco ball drops down, the song changes and just when I think they can't make it even more cheesy, Issac shouts out, "Sing it like you're at your high school prom!" Those first few chords and Laura spills her drink and screams. It's the song that mattered to her, to everyone, in high school. We're all singing and you can tell half the place doesn't know the words because they all look twelve, but we're all in this moment because we know it's big. And lemme tell you, the face that Laura made on "Cause maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me" was spectacular. I'm pretty sure we were all off-key but it didn't matter, because it was something that we couldn't have predicted or known and it hit hard, but it felt good.
It always amazes me how a song can hold that much over your life, like it's a part of you. It can matter that much, can wreck you that much, so much so that when you hear it in the car, you have to pull over, because you go back to those memories, that one spot where that song was exactly what you needed. You want to cry and shout and laugh all at the same time for that place in your life that it brings back. You're pulled over and it's a few beats and voices and nothing means more than drowning in that mix of chords. It doesn't matter how popular it is or what it means or doesn't mean to someone else, it still can take control of you for those few minutes and your life is affected by four minutes of sound.
Cause after all, you're my wonderwall.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
I don't know
It's frustrating living through something else, but it's common. It's as if your own memories aren't good enough, aren't shiny and edited well enough, so you cling on and hold tightly to something that you didn't create, but that resonates deeply within you.
Do people that write hit songs really know how big they are going to be? Does someone really wake up with a melody in their ear and write it down and then two weeks later that same melody is in the ears of millions?
It's easy to love an object- it requires nothing back. You can pour into it and it's not going to leave your side. You can be confident that the same few minutes of sound and picture will look and sound the same as it did the day before. That's why loving someone takes a whole lot more. Because that someone could change their mind, could leave or be forced away and you would end up giving all of this to someone that won't give you anything back. It's a scary thought.
Do people that write hit songs really know how big they are going to be? Does someone really wake up with a melody in their ear and write it down and then two weeks later that same melody is in the ears of millions?
It's easy to love an object- it requires nothing back. You can pour into it and it's not going to leave your side. You can be confident that the same few minutes of sound and picture will look and sound the same as it did the day before. That's why loving someone takes a whole lot more. Because that someone could change their mind, could leave or be forced away and you would end up giving all of this to someone that won't give you anything back. It's a scary thought.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
500(+) words about 1.25.08.
I made a playlist for the occasion. It was full of some gems that needed no explanation, some that had been heard before, some that seemed extremely relevant and some that I knew would play in the background while we talked over their meaning. I was pretty jumpy, which probably was a little bit of nerves and excitement and hoping that the concept of will call did really exist in the world. Favorite unbalanced coat? Check. Concert dress code attire of black? Check. Directions? Credit Card? Game Face? Check. Check. Check. The nervous feeling also stemmed a little bit from the fact that I wanted this concert to be wonderful so that it would be worth it; worth the drive, worth the fact that she'd be in Austin the next day. Needless to say, even with a four-lane traffic pile-up, we arrived at what would normally be considered embarrassingly early, but the idea of being ashamed of being there an hour early wore off instantly when we saw her. HER. Miss Sharon Jones, in a baseball cap and glasses, carrying her own monitors inside. The woman packs a serious punch when she's got a horn section behind her, but outside she looked pretty normal. After freaking out and attempting to stay warm in the car for a few minutes, it was time to endure the outside in a maneuver that would be all worth it.
The details until the show started can get boring, but they're still clear: 1) Watching numerous people walk up to the door and then quickly walk back out realizing the doors were not open yet and the show was sold out. 2) Huddling for heat and speculating about the lives and bits of audible conversation from other concert goers 3) Attempting to catch a bit of "Taxes" that was played for sound check and 4) Asking repeatedly, "Can we go inside now?" and being told, "No, we will respect the venue and it will respect us." (Actually, the whole respect thing turned out 100% true. Who would've thought, right? Thank you.)
One x marked on each of our hands in green Sharpie, we walked in to a small room that looked more like a local band stage than anything. Staking claim on stage left, we waited and grooved to the sounds of Otis Redding and Sam Cooke. Normally, Sam and Otis wouldn't even be considered for opening music, as it's universally known that your opening music can't overshadow and outdo your main act, but this show wasn't going to have to compete with anyone or anything. The opening band was interesting, The Ivan Milev Band to namedrop. They were humble and foreign and actually didn't suck, considering they were so different. While accordion solos are impressive and something my ears don't hear too often, I was still nervous and excited, wondering if in a few minutes I really was going to be standing, or rather, dancing 3 feet away from one of the most amazing women to ever pick up a microphone. I took a few pictures and danced as much as you really can to irregular meters and accordion blasts and clapped when they were through, but I was still on edge. We made some conversation and then "A Change Is Gonna Come" permeated the air and it was probably one of the greatest sing-alongs I've been a part of. You could feel the excitement, like something big was looming and it couldn't have been more accurate.
The Dap-Kings took the stage and picked up a rhythm that made even the whitest feet start tappin'. The energy was contagious and every instrument wailed in the best way. We were practically in the laps on the guitar players at some points and I had no objections. The music was loud but not in your face and just enough jazz to start something. And then, of course, after a well-deserved introduction by Binky Griptite, she took the stage.
She's 51 years old and 4'11, but you'd never even know it. She's wearing heels and the same dress she wore on an album cover shoot and I'm nearly melting already at the amount of soul in the first note she sings. Her voice is smooth but it's got this bitterness to it that makes every song feel so raw and funky all at the same time. She can't stay still and neither can I when she asks "How Do You Let A Good Man Down?" and makes Marvin Gaye look like a boy scout. You can tell she's worked at this for such a long time, the way the songs seem so much a part of her personality and the way she brings her past and her life story into her dancing. She belts out "Nobody's Baby" and the crowd is hers. We're singing back-ups and call-and-response and she's overpowering every amazing instrument backing her. Somewhere in the midst of all of this, she decides to invite someone onstage and reaches for Kevin. She's asking him his name and then my name gets thrown into the mix and suddenly she's singing "Be Easy" with the words "Kevin" and "Kelsey" thrown in at appropriate times. I'm yelling and dancing and laughing all at the same time because there's no way this is really happening. She sings with such ease (no pun intended) and every note is like honey. She's dancing and Kevin is dancing and I'm dancing and as cheesy as it is, my heart is happy and I'm so happy that this woman that I love and am inspired by is face to face with the guy that makes me feel butterflies on a regular basis. Kevin gets a kiss on the cheek from her and we haven't even gotten five songs in yet. She treats every word of every song importantly and she connects with every single person there. Not even the drunk girl she invites on stage ruins anything and Sharon is such a little fireball through everything. "100 Days, 100 Nights" gets a good response and my feet can't stop moving and the soul of the song is overwhelming. She ends her set and the band keeps playing, but I know it can't be over. After a few minutes of pleading, she's back on the stage and then she does something that makes all the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end: she nails the first few notes to "It's a Man's Man's Man's World" and tears up the song in a way that would make James Brown smile. I am completely astounded by her. She sings a few older songs and is still as jumpy as ever and then she leaves us on a high note with the band still doing justice.
I can't collect thoughts afterwards except the fact that it all really happened and I see a tiny little crowd around a familiar-looking dress. People ask to take pictures of Kevin and I and I feel a little ridiculous. We make our way over to her and she's the most gracious little woman I've heard in long time, ushering everyone over to the merch table and thanking people for coming. She's tiny and everyone is taller than her but she has an enormous presence about her. We follow her and get pushed to the front of the line where she says, "Kevin and Kelsey!" and I die a little inside. We take a picture and I thank her in words that don't really match up to my real gratitude and she kisses me on the cheek. We take a few more pictures but I'm still in awe of the whole thing and I can't believe it all happened.
The entire way home I can't even handle listening to music but I've got this goofy grin on my face, one hand on the wheel and a soul so full of good music that it could burst.
This Happened:
The details until the show started can get boring, but they're still clear: 1) Watching numerous people walk up to the door and then quickly walk back out realizing the doors were not open yet and the show was sold out. 2) Huddling for heat and speculating about the lives and bits of audible conversation from other concert goers 3) Attempting to catch a bit of "Taxes" that was played for sound check and 4) Asking repeatedly, "Can we go inside now?" and being told, "No, we will respect the venue and it will respect us." (Actually, the whole respect thing turned out 100% true. Who would've thought, right? Thank you.)
One x marked on each of our hands in green Sharpie, we walked in to a small room that looked more like a local band stage than anything. Staking claim on stage left, we waited and grooved to the sounds of Otis Redding and Sam Cooke. Normally, Sam and Otis wouldn't even be considered for opening music, as it's universally known that your opening music can't overshadow and outdo your main act, but this show wasn't going to have to compete with anyone or anything. The opening band was interesting, The Ivan Milev Band to namedrop. They were humble and foreign and actually didn't suck, considering they were so different. While accordion solos are impressive and something my ears don't hear too often, I was still nervous and excited, wondering if in a few minutes I really was going to be standing, or rather, dancing 3 feet away from one of the most amazing women to ever pick up a microphone. I took a few pictures and danced as much as you really can to irregular meters and accordion blasts and clapped when they were through, but I was still on edge. We made some conversation and then "A Change Is Gonna Come" permeated the air and it was probably one of the greatest sing-alongs I've been a part of. You could feel the excitement, like something big was looming and it couldn't have been more accurate.
The Dap-Kings took the stage and picked up a rhythm that made even the whitest feet start tappin'. The energy was contagious and every instrument wailed in the best way. We were practically in the laps on the guitar players at some points and I had no objections. The music was loud but not in your face and just enough jazz to start something. And then, of course, after a well-deserved introduction by Binky Griptite, she took the stage.
She's 51 years old and 4'11, but you'd never even know it. She's wearing heels and the same dress she wore on an album cover shoot and I'm nearly melting already at the amount of soul in the first note she sings. Her voice is smooth but it's got this bitterness to it that makes every song feel so raw and funky all at the same time. She can't stay still and neither can I when she asks "How Do You Let A Good Man Down?" and makes Marvin Gaye look like a boy scout. You can tell she's worked at this for such a long time, the way the songs seem so much a part of her personality and the way she brings her past and her life story into her dancing. She belts out "Nobody's Baby" and the crowd is hers. We're singing back-ups and call-and-response and she's overpowering every amazing instrument backing her. Somewhere in the midst of all of this, she decides to invite someone onstage and reaches for Kevin. She's asking him his name and then my name gets thrown into the mix and suddenly she's singing "Be Easy" with the words "Kevin" and "Kelsey" thrown in at appropriate times. I'm yelling and dancing and laughing all at the same time because there's no way this is really happening. She sings with such ease (no pun intended) and every note is like honey. She's dancing and Kevin is dancing and I'm dancing and as cheesy as it is, my heart is happy and I'm so happy that this woman that I love and am inspired by is face to face with the guy that makes me feel butterflies on a regular basis. Kevin gets a kiss on the cheek from her and we haven't even gotten five songs in yet. She treats every word of every song importantly and she connects with every single person there. Not even the drunk girl she invites on stage ruins anything and Sharon is such a little fireball through everything. "100 Days, 100 Nights" gets a good response and my feet can't stop moving and the soul of the song is overwhelming. She ends her set and the band keeps playing, but I know it can't be over. After a few minutes of pleading, she's back on the stage and then she does something that makes all the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end: she nails the first few notes to "It's a Man's Man's Man's World" and tears up the song in a way that would make James Brown smile. I am completely astounded by her. She sings a few older songs and is still as jumpy as ever and then she leaves us on a high note with the band still doing justice.
I can't collect thoughts afterwards except the fact that it all really happened and I see a tiny little crowd around a familiar-looking dress. People ask to take pictures of Kevin and I and I feel a little ridiculous. We make our way over to her and she's the most gracious little woman I've heard in long time, ushering everyone over to the merch table and thanking people for coming. She's tiny and everyone is taller than her but she has an enormous presence about her. We follow her and get pushed to the front of the line where she says, "Kevin and Kelsey!" and I die a little inside. We take a picture and I thank her in words that don't really match up to my real gratitude and she kisses me on the cheek. We take a few more pictures but I'm still in awe of the whole thing and I can't believe it all happened.
The entire way home I can't even handle listening to music but I've got this goofy grin on my face, one hand on the wheel and a soul so full of good music that it could burst.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Naturally
"Falling Asleep To The Sounds Of Sirens" by Kelsey Manning, avaliable on iTunes next week.
2008: My life is ridiculous and wonderful and insane all at the same time.
Cross your fingers for Friday:
Monday, November 26, 2007
There are good days, don't get me wrong. There are some who listen and make me feel better and for that I am thankful. There are days that are genuinely wonderful, a few at least.
But really, I've been secretly falling apart.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I really don't.
I feel like I go through the motions of doing things every day and I can act like it's really something that matters to me but I have no idea what's important anymore. I am filling out applications and stressing out over them and the thought keeps entering my mind that maybe I'm just not going to go anywhere. Or at least nowhere that matters to me. My life feels so stagnant and everything is slipping. There are problems that just keep building up, so fast that I can't even solve the problems that were here before. I am in way over my head on some things, but on others I don't even put forth effort and I know that I should. Spiritually, I'm just drained. Normally prayer is one of the things that keeps me grounded and keeps me from stressing out but lately, if I'm completely honest, I don't even think about it being useful. That fact absolutely kills me because I know it works. There have been so many disappointments lately, so many people that have let me down and at the same time I know I have let other people down. I used to think relationships were things I was good at, I was fine dealing with people and working things out, but I can't. I don't feel like anything I say is adequate enough. "Sorry" seems so ridiculous to me, as if I feel like saying it would change nothing. I actually don't know what to say, while normally I am sure that I am the one that can solve all my own problems. The most bizarre thing is that music fails to move me. I turn on a song just to feel....something. Anything. I end up upset because I don't feel anything and that kills me more than anything. I hate apathy. I look forward to sleeping. I actually look forward to it, and not because I'm working so hard that I'm tired, but because when I'm asleep I don't have to deal with anything. Some nights I can't sleep, and those are the absolute worst. I spend my time thinking about potential dialogue in situations that will never happen.
And above all, I hate this. I hate that I have plenty of words for talking about what's wrong but when I try to see the good or what could make it better, it gets hard. I hate that everything in my life has to be about me and I can't see past my own problems. I hate that I can't share this with anyone because I hate being vulnerable and I don't want to feel like me talking about what I'm feeling is just me trying to bring attention to myself. I hate this self-absorbed nature of it all. And I hate how many times I just used the word 'hate'. "You're too negative and I'm gonna make it all better!!" What was I thinking? Really? Wow, I am seriously honestly embarrassedly sorry for that. The word 'hypocritical' stings.
But really, I've been secretly falling apart.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I really don't.
I feel like I go through the motions of doing things every day and I can act like it's really something that matters to me but I have no idea what's important anymore. I am filling out applications and stressing out over them and the thought keeps entering my mind that maybe I'm just not going to go anywhere. Or at least nowhere that matters to me. My life feels so stagnant and everything is slipping. There are problems that just keep building up, so fast that I can't even solve the problems that were here before. I am in way over my head on some things, but on others I don't even put forth effort and I know that I should. Spiritually, I'm just drained. Normally prayer is one of the things that keeps me grounded and keeps me from stressing out but lately, if I'm completely honest, I don't even think about it being useful. That fact absolutely kills me because I know it works. There have been so many disappointments lately, so many people that have let me down and at the same time I know I have let other people down. I used to think relationships were things I was good at, I was fine dealing with people and working things out, but I can't. I don't feel like anything I say is adequate enough. "Sorry" seems so ridiculous to me, as if I feel like saying it would change nothing. I actually don't know what to say, while normally I am sure that I am the one that can solve all my own problems. The most bizarre thing is that music fails to move me. I turn on a song just to feel....something. Anything. I end up upset because I don't feel anything and that kills me more than anything. I hate apathy. I look forward to sleeping. I actually look forward to it, and not because I'm working so hard that I'm tired, but because when I'm asleep I don't have to deal with anything. Some nights I can't sleep, and those are the absolute worst. I spend my time thinking about potential dialogue in situations that will never happen.
And above all, I hate this. I hate that I have plenty of words for talking about what's wrong but when I try to see the good or what could make it better, it gets hard. I hate that everything in my life has to be about me and I can't see past my own problems. I hate that I can't share this with anyone because I hate being vulnerable and I don't want to feel like me talking about what I'm feeling is just me trying to bring attention to myself. I hate this self-absorbed nature of it all. And I hate how many times I just used the word 'hate'. "You're too negative and I'm gonna make it all better!!" What was I thinking? Really? Wow, I am seriously honestly embarrassedly sorry for that. The word 'hypocritical' stings.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
They Met
http://www.spin.com/features/magazine/covers/2007/11/0712_bruce_springsteen_win_butler/
i'm seriously speechless.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
REgina SPEKTor
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Okay, so we have to do a psychology project where we look up dreams and what happened in them for significance at this really sketchy website. But...
Concert
To dream that you are at a concert, represents harmony and cooperation in a situation or relationship of your waking life. You are experiencing an uplift in your spirits.
Remember that? Too bad there's not one for Stephen Colbert.
Concert
To dream that you are at a concert, represents harmony and cooperation in a situation or relationship of your waking life. You are experiencing an uplift in your spirits.
Remember that? Too bad there's not one for Stephen Colbert.
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